The Fortress of 'What If'

Finding Peace in the Ocean of Grace: A Mother's Day Message on Worry and Faith

We all have that familiar feeling - the tension in our neck, the trembling hands, the breathlessness that comes when worry sweeps over our souls. If you've experienced this, you're not crazy. You're perfectly normal. Your brain is actually wired with a negativity bias designed by God to keep you alive and alert to threats in the world.

Why Do We Worry So Much?

The problem isn't that we worry - it's what we do with that worry. Many of us spend our lives "looking under the bed to the future," engaging in magical thinking that if we just focus on our fears enough, we can somehow prevent bad things from happening. We live with a constant hum of stress, preparing for "what ifs" that mostly never come to pass.  Some people try to numb these feelings by staying constantly busy, seeking endless distractions, or turning to substances. While these might provide temporary relief, when numbing becomes our only coping mechanism, we don't just mute the pain - we also mute the joy in our lives.

What Can We Learn from Jesus About Handling Pain?

When Jesus was dying on the cross, he was offered wine mixed with gall - a powerful painkiller. After tasting it, he refused to drink it. Why? Because he had a mission of love to fulfill, and he needed to be fully alert and in command of his faculties.

Even while experiencing excruciating pain, Jesus remained present enough to care for his mother, forgive his executioners, and commit his spirit to God. He teaches us that we don't have to numb our lives to live them to the full.

Are You Trying to Be the Perfect Parent?

Many parents, especially mothers, carry an enormous burden believing they must be perfect. They think that if their child doesn't turn out successful, godly, or moral, it's their fault. This belief suggests that a child's behavior is a verdict on their parent's worth as a person.  But consider Jesus' parable of the prodigal son. The father in this story represents God - the perfect parent who provided everything for his children. Yet one son still chose to rebel, waste his inheritance, and live recklessly. If a perfect parent can have a rebellious child, then you can be a perfectly acceptable parent and still have a child who doesn't embrace your values.

What Does Research Tell Us About Parenting?

Research reveals some surprising truths about parenting:

Parents only need to "get it right" about 30% of the time for children to experience secure attachment

Only 10% of a child's outcome is attributed to the shared home environment.  The other 90% comes from genetics, personal choices, friendships, and accidental life events.  The pressure is off. If 30% is good enough, then the other 70% isn't a loss - it's a lesson.

Why Should You Give Your Kids the Gift of Imperfection?

When you constantly present an image of perfection and never reveal your vulnerability, you fail to teach your children resilience. One of the most powerful things you can do for your family is to fail, name it, apologize, and show them how to pick yourself up and move forward.

Look at Jesus' disciples after his death and resurrection. They were at 0% faithfulness - scattered, hiding behind locked doors in fear. Yet this wasn't a reflection on Jesus' credibility as their teacher. When Jesus appeared to them, he didn't condemn them. Instead, he said "Peace" - not once, but twice.

How Can We Find Peace in Our Anxiety?

Jesus told his anxious disciples to breathe. When we worry, we're not living in the present - we're living in an imaginary future, consumed with "what ifs." We need to ground ourselves by simply breathing and noticing:

Your breath going in and out.  The seat supporting you.  Your feet on the ground.  That you're here, right now, in this moment.  As Psalm 46 says, "Be still and know that I am God." In Hebrew, "be still" means relax, sink down, stop. Stop living in the future and remember that God is God - and you are not. You don't have to be the savior or rescuer of anyone.

Is Worry Really a Sin?

Some pastors will tell you that worry makes you a terrible sinner. But here's a different perspective: you worry because you care. In fact, you probably care just a little too much, but caring isn't something to be ashamed of. The Bible doesn't tell us to beat ourselves up for worrying. Instead, it says: "Cast all your cares on God, because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). Don't try to worry less - trust more. Bring to mind God's promises and remember how He's brought you through every trial so far.

Are You Already Swimming in the Ocean of Grace?

There's a story about a little fish who swims up to an older, wiser fish and asks for directions to the ocean. The wise fish responds, "You're already in the ocean." But the little fish insists, "No, this is just water," and swims away searching for the ocean he was already in.  We often do the same thing - searching for the ocean of grace we're already swimming in. Jesus appeared to his anxious disciples in their locked room, suggesting he was there the whole time; they just couldn't see him.

Life Application

This week, practice being present in your worry rather than trying to escape it. When anxiety rises, don't immediately reach for distractions or numbing behaviors. Instead, breathe deeply and ground yourself in the present moment. Remember that your emotions are like waves - they roll in and they roll out, and you can learn to surf them rather than be overwhelmed by them.  Give yourself permission to be imperfect as a parent. When you make mistakes, name them, apologize, and show your children how to recover with grace. Cast your cares on God, knowing that He cares for you more than you could ever care for your children.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What "what ifs" am I living in instead of embracing the present moment?
• How can I show my children that failure and recovery are normal parts of life?
• Where do I need to trust God more instead of trying to control outcomes?
• How can I better recognize that I'm already swimming in God's ocean of grace?

Peace be unto you. You are forgiven. You are held in God's hands, already swimming in the ocean of His grace.